Just An Update

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I just wanted to throw in a quick update to let you all know Grandma passed away this morning. I don’t feel like pouring it all out again here, but you can read what I’ve written about it on Everyday Randomness.

I haven’t really done much today other than catch a few hours of sleep finally, and I spent a good bit of time with my own grandparents. I always run to them when I’m upset, but today it hit me even harder because I realize how little the amount of time I have left with them really is. I didn’t end up going to court with my cousin, and she totally understood just like I would have understood if our roles had been reversed.

I’m supposed to go shopping with my aunt tomorrow. My aunt needs a new stove top, and I promised my sister in law I’d check out espresso machines since we both want one, but I doubt I’ll be going. It will depend on if Hubby chooses to take the day off work or not. He was going to come home today, but he was afraid he’d have to take a day off later in the week for the funeral, so he chose to work.

He’s just now beginning his grieving process, so I see him deciding to spend the day at home tomorrow. There won’t be a traditional funeral, and services are being postponed until Mother’s Day when the family can meet at Arlington Nation Cemetery to scatter her ashes over her late husband’s grave.

Hoping They’ll Be Civil

I promised my cousin I’d go to court with her tomorrow. She’s in the middle of a divorce, and she’s going in for her first custody hearing. She’s scared out of her mind because she doesn’t know what to expect. She doesn’t know if her soon to be ex is going to cooperate or not, what the judge is going to do, and all that.

I know she’s so worried because even though the divorce has been civil she’s heard a ton of horror stories from her friends about how their ex’s were perfect and then suddenly decided to be a jerk as far as the kids were concerned.

I’m trying to keep her calm and remind her this isn’t all Jerry Springer-like. She doesn’t have DNA testing and all that kind of stuff going on. Her soon to be ex has agreed to share custody, and they’ve even written up what they agreed the terms should be. Now they’ve just got to get the judge to approve it. Her soon to be ex has been great about giving her $200 a week for the kids…way more than most states would require in child support. We just hope things go well with the child support when all this stuff is said and done.

I just don’t want the kids to suffer. I know it’s going to be hard enough on them with their parents splitting. Luckily for me I was almost 18 when my parents separated, but my sister was 15, and even at that age it really made an impact on her life.

Tags: child support, civil custody battle, custody battle, divorce

Coming To An End

No one’s very happy around here today.  Just a few minutes ago my sister-in-law informed me that Hospice called my mother-in-law.  They told her they didn’t expect Hubby’s grandma to live through the day.  Mid-July they told us she could live anywhere from a week to months, they really didn’t know.  She would have a chance of living for a few more years if she could have the heart surgery, but it wasn’t possible anymore.

Last night she had another heart attack.  She’s been sedated for a few days now because of her pain, so she didn’t show any signs of the heart attack but it showed up on paper.  By this morning she’d started to go downhill.

Hubby has prepared himself for this the best he can.  Knowing exactly what’s going on has given him time to prepare himself, otherwise he would be a complete mess.  We both have an understandably hard time dealing with death, but Hubby can’t even bring himself to visit the person once they get to that “death look”.  I understand why it’s hard for him, and we let him know that it’s ok.  His grandma told him not to come visit her anymore.  Just like his other grandma told him, she wants him to remember her in her good days, not the bad.

Now I’m trying to prepare things around here.  We don’t expect her to make it through the night tonight, so I’ve cleared my schedule for Thursday and Friday.  Depending on when she passes the funeral will be one of those days.  She’s being cremated, and she’s asked for us to hold a very small funeral with just the immediate family present.

Tags: death, end of life, family, grandparents

Not Looking Good

It’s been a weird week around here.  I’ve been seriously sick, and that’s put a halt in a lot of things I wanted to do.  On top of that we got some really bad news about Hubby’s grandma.  The doctors have been telling us one side of her heart was about 80% blocked, and if she could get her body healthy enough they could do the surgery.

That’s not going to happen.  Last week she started acting senile.  She’s done this before, and it’s a sign she’s not getting enough oxygen to her brain.  She will repeat the same sentence 3 or 4 times in a row, or she’ll talk about something from years ago as it’s present day.  She doesn’t have Alzheimer’s.  Her brain just can’t handle the lack of oxygen.

When this started the doctors ran more tests, and now they see that the other side of her heart is 90% blocked.  How they missed it I don’t know.  All I know is she’s not doing well at all.  She’s also a diabetic, and her legs have swollen to the point she can’t walk.  The doctors have no chance of doing the surgery.  Before they were giving her 6 months to live without the surgery, and much longer with it.  Now the doctors are telling us she could die within the week or it could be months.  They honestly don’t know.

It’s a sad situation.  We found out by accident she would probably be healthy right now, but when she lived in Alabama she wouldn’t cooperate with her doctors.  She convinced herself they were all wrong about her condition, and she was better off taking care of herself.  Her main reason for wanting to move here was the fact that no one would treat her any longer there.  We wanted to move her up here anyway so we’d have her close to family where we can all take care of her, but her main reason for wanting to move was the fact she knew she couldn’t get medical attention there.

I want to go see her, but I don’t want to risk taking my germs into Hospice.  Hubby is going to see her tonight, but I’m still running a fever.  If my fever breaks I’ll go see her, but I don’t want to chance passing along something that her body can’t fight off.

Tags: family member, family member dieing, grandma