Today hasn’t been the greatest of days.  I’ve sort of been in a depressed mood most of the day.  I think most of it is because Ben has been spending a lot of time away from home lately, and I’m just plain tired of being stuck in this house all day everyday.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being a stay at home mom, but I would also love a chance to get away for a few hours on a Saturday or Sunday every now and again.  Ben has been doing a lot of stuff on the weekends, cutting down trees with my dad, helping friends with various small projects around the house for some pocket change, and tomorrow he’s going to the Gun, Knife, and Militaria Show with a friend. 

I guess I just wish I could get out and go somewhere with a friend from time to time.  Sure I go out with Ben to do things all the time, but it’s not the same.  I never have any time out and about all to myself without at least one of them in tow.  On the days I’m baby free I can’t go browse through a store I like or pick up groceries because Ben has the car.  Heck I don’t even get to grocery shop alone because my overly picky Hubby had to triple check to make sure the products I’m buying don’t have ingredients he won’t eat.  It doesn’t matter if I purchase the same brands every time.  He’s so anal about it he has to make sure none of the ingredients have changed between purchases!  Yep, it totally drives me crazy, and it makes me loathe trips to the grocery store.

I guess I’m just depressed because I feel like I need some me time that is away from this house, away from my family.  It could be a quick trip to the store or even a hair appointment for all I care.  I just need that bit of “me time” to keep me from going crazy.  Is that too much to ask? 

Apparently it is because Ben and I got into a bit of an tiff over it.  We didn’t get to the point of raised voices, but he let me know right quick he felt like I was trying to “make him feel bad” for going to the gun show tomorrow.  I don’t care if he does to the gun show or not, and that wasn’t the point.  The point was I feel like I need a little personal time outside of this house, too.

We didn’t get to argue discuss it any further because Daddy called wanting us to go to dinner with him, and I moved into getting the baby dressed and ready to go mode.  Mostly at dinner I ate my food quietly while I listened to Daddy and Ben discuss the rate on Daddy’s  5th wheel insurance going up when he was sure it was going to drop when it renewed. 

Daddy and my step mom both attempted to spend a bit of time playing with Ellie, but as she slept on the ride to dinner she wasn’t in a great mood and didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone but me.  She started to liven up a bit when we were leaving, so we decided to go to Daddy’s house for a bit to let him play with her.  As always she migrated straight to the animals, and she had a blast playing with the guinea pig, parakeets, gerbils, and the dogs.  She kept going to the door wanting Daddy to take her out to see the farm animals, but it was dark, cold, and approaching her bed time.  Daddy promised her he’ll take her to see the farm animals later this week when it’s warmer, and I got us moving towards the house.

As soon as we got home I put Ellie to bed, and Ben retreated to his “man cave” to watch tv.  We really haven’t said much to each other since we’ve been home, and I still have this overwhelming feeling that he thinks I’m resentful because he gets to go do things with his friends away from us.  I’m not.  I would just like the chance to do that once and awhile, too.  Oh well.  I guess we both just need a bit of time to think about it all, and just maybe I can figure out a way here soon to get out of here for a bit of personal time.