The Ramblings Of Jenn Shuey

friendships, that is.

As a new mom I knew my circle of friends would change, but I wasn’t prepared for what really happened. I knew I would no longer have time for my friends and socializing like I have had in the past, and I would have to find time to fit them into my “schedule”. I found out who my true friends are, and I learned that just because someone is a mother doesn’t mean she’ll understand and stick around.

8 months post baby I find it interesting that the friendships I thought would dwindle away to nothing are some of the ones that have grown stronger while others that I thought would carry on are the ones fizzling out.

For instance I thought my friendship with my best friend was strong enough to carry on even if I wouldn’t have as much time to devote to her. I was under the assumption that she would understand. After all she is a mother. The fact that she is well past the diapers and baby talk phase puts us in two different “mommy categories.” Her son is an active kid in grade school, and my child is just developing into a little person. She’s busy planning around his dirt bike races while I’m planning around nap schedules and feeding times. Our friendship has slowly fizzled out over the course of the last 8 months, and at this point I don’t find myself trying really hard to revive it. Instead I find myself ignoring texts and phone calls because I have other more important things to tend to such as a crying baby that needs consoling. My daughter is going to come first, and if someone can’t understand that then the friendship doesn’t need to carry on beyond this point.

On the other hand I’ve found that one friendship I thought would die out has in fact grown stronger. This person is single without any children, so I was worried we’d grow apart simply because our interests were no longer on the same page. I was surprised to find she goes out of her way to work around me and my schedule, and she understands that I don’t have a lot of time that’s baby free.

She also knows how hard it is for me to load the baby up to meet up with her, so she always tries to plan to visit instead of asking me to go out somewhere. She’s actually become a big help, a shoulder to lean on, and a great listener when I need to vent about the little frustrations that come with mommyhood. I never imagined my go to person when I need to rant about doctor’s visits, leaky diapers, and other baby stuff would be a single woman with no children.

And of course there are all the new friendships I have created because I am a mom now. I’ve connected with so many new moms both online and offline, and I’ve found it’s much easier to begin a new friendship with another new mommy than it ever was to create friendships in the past. We have common bonds because of our babies, and we’re all in search of another person with whom we can share our motherhood experiences.

I admit my current friendships are nothing like I had imagined, but the truth is I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve discovered who my real friends are, and I’ve developed new friendships with people I probably would have never met if we hadn’t been sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for our babies to receive shots on the same day.