This morning as I spoke to my Grandma about my cousin’s funeral arrangements I realized life really is making a full circle this week in my family and life, and that’s got me emotionally up and down. I’m sad over my cousin’s death and the circumstances surrounding it, but at the same time I’m happy because this morning a new addition arrived in our extended family.

Ben’s cousin and his wife welcomed their second baby girl into the world just a few hours after the proud Dad and his twin brother began celebrating their own birthday. What a birthday gift for Dad! I’m also very happy because our best friend, who is like a brother to Ben, will be getting married Saturday in front of his closest friends and family.

Today a birth, tomorrow a funeral, and Saturday a wedding. I’m not sure I will be able to attend the funeral tomorrow as I don’t believe it is appropriate to take Ellie and as of yet I have no sitter. No matter where I’ll be I’ll be praying for my other family members who have lost their son, brother, husband, and father. If you happen to see me tomorrow, and I seem down and out please understand I will be dealing with my emotions no matter where I may be.

Saturday I’m going to try to enjoy our friend’s wedding and remind myself that life goes on, and it is ever changing.  This week has been bittersweet, and it has definitely reminded me to enjoy all the moments I can get with my family and friends who are so dear to me.

Today hasn’t been the greatest of days.  I’ve sort of been in a depressed mood most of the day.  I think most of it is because Ben has been spending a lot of time away from home lately, and I’m just plain tired of being stuck in this house all day everyday.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being a stay at home mom, but I would also love a chance to get away for a few hours on a Saturday or Sunday every now and again.  Ben has been doing a lot of stuff on the weekends, cutting down trees with my dad, helping friends with various small projects around the house for some pocket change, and tomorrow he’s going to the Gun, Knife, and Militaria Show with a friend. 

I guess I just wish I could get out and go somewhere with a friend from time to time.  Sure I go out with Ben to do things all the time, but it’s not the same.  I never have any time out and about all to myself without at least one of them in tow.  On the days I’m baby free I can’t go browse through a store I like or pick up groceries because Ben has the car.  Heck I don’t even get to grocery shop alone because my overly picky Hubby had to triple check to make sure the products I’m buying don’t have ingredients he won’t eat.  It doesn’t matter if I purchase the same brands every time.  He’s so anal about it he has to make sure none of the ingredients have changed between purchases!  Yep, it totally drives me crazy, and it makes me loathe trips to the grocery store.

I guess I’m just depressed because I feel like I need some me time that is away from this house, away from my family.  It could be a quick trip to the store or even a hair appointment for all I care.  I just need that bit of “me time” to keep me from going crazy.  Is that too much to ask? 

Apparently it is because Ben and I got into a bit of an tiff over it.  We didn’t get to the point of raised voices, but he let me know right quick he felt like I was trying to “make him feel bad” for going to the gun show tomorrow.  I don’t care if he does to the gun show or not, and that wasn’t the point.  The point was I feel like I need a little personal time outside of this house, too.

We didn’t get to argue discuss it any further because Daddy called wanting us to go to dinner with him, and I moved into getting the baby dressed and ready to go mode.  Mostly at dinner I ate my food quietly while I listened to Daddy and Ben discuss the rate on Daddy’s  5th wheel insurance going up when he was sure it was going to drop when it renewed. 

Daddy and my step mom both attempted to spend a bit of time playing with Ellie, but as she slept on the ride to dinner she wasn’t in a great mood and didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone but me.  She started to liven up a bit when we were leaving, so we decided to go to Daddy’s house for a bit to let him play with her.  As always she migrated straight to the animals, and she had a blast playing with the guinea pig, parakeets, gerbils, and the dogs.  She kept going to the door wanting Daddy to take her out to see the farm animals, but it was dark, cold, and approaching her bed time.  Daddy promised her he’ll take her to see the farm animals later this week when it’s warmer, and I got us moving towards the house.

As soon as we got home I put Ellie to bed, and Ben retreated to his “man cave” to watch tv.  We really haven’t said much to each other since we’ve been home, and I still have this overwhelming feeling that he thinks I’m resentful because he gets to go do things with his friends away from us.  I’m not.  I would just like the chance to do that once and awhile, too.  Oh well.  I guess we both just need a bit of time to think about it all, and just maybe I can figure out a way here soon to get out of here for a bit of personal time. 

I’m gearing myself up to spend an awesome evening with our family friends, Robin & Joey, and their family to celebrate their 29th wedding anniversary.  We’re going to Carrabba’s Italian Grill, and let me tell you I don’t think even the best weight loss pills on the market could suppress my appetite enough to keep me from overeating when I go there.  I absolutely love almost everything on the menu, and I’m really looking forward to this.

I know we’re going to have a great time, but the only thing that worries me is we’re not going to dinner until 7pm, and the restaurant is an hour away.  I’m wondering how Ellie is going to do with this because she’ll be stuck in the car seat an hour both directions, and it’ll be right at bedtime when we leave the restaurant. 

I let her stay up a little later than normal last night hoping she was sleep in a bit today, but she was up earlier than usual.  She finally went down for her nap about 15 minutes ago, so I hope she’ll take a long one and be well rested tonight.  I do know that if she starts getting fussy I’m not making her sit there.  We’ll just have to leave early.    She normally does great when we go out to eat, though, and I think having so many people around (I think 16 going in total) she’ll be quite occupied and hopefully in a good mood.  You never know with toddlers, though, so we’ll just have to see!

Today has been a bit rough, so now that Ellie is taking a nap (hopefully a long one) it’s time for me to relax a bit in case she wakes up grumpy and full of tantrums again.  It doesn’t help that I’m feeling a bit sick again myself.  I’ve been feeling quite nauseous today, not enough to spend my morning in the bathroom, but enough to make me feel sick. It’s about the same way I felt when I was taking prenatal vitamins because of all the extra vitamins my body wasn’t used to getting. Before anyone says it, nope, I’m not pregnant again…at least not yet. I’ve got my hands full as it is with my precious and beautiful yet tantrum queen child.

Hubby and I have date night tonight, so after the morning I’ve had I’m definitely looking forward to that.  As we’re totally broke this week we won’t be going anywhere, but it’ll be nice to spend a quiet evening at home having dinner and watching a movie with Hubby while Ellie stays with my aunt.  I know all moms need a bit of a break now and then, but I admit I always feel a little bit like a bad mother when I drop her off to have alone time with Hubby.  I guess that’s normal, and I remind myself that Ellie absolutely loves spending time with my aunt as much as I love having a Friday night date with Hubby.  Plus these little date nights are much needed to keep us sane and our relationship stable!

All is happy and quiet around here today, and I’m very thankful for that.  It was a rough weekend for our entire household with the little one spending about 22 out of each 24 hour day on a sleeping strike thanks to her teeth.

Saturday night Ellie stayed with her Mom mom and Pop pop for a few hours while Mommy and Daddy had a date night.  She did pretty well although she’s not used to staying over there for an extended period of time, and she’s going through a bit of separation anxiety, too.  She didn’t realize we were gone until about 10 minutes before we returned, so I think she did great.  We’re trying to get her used to staying with all her Grandparents for longer periods of time, so we can have a baby free date night twice a month.

Sure she stays with my Grandparents and aunt a lot, but they both live next door to us, and she never stays for more than a couple hours at a time.  If something is wrong I can run next door to get her.  I’m not used to having a 30 minute drive to pick her up when she needs me, so I think I’m going to have to get used to it just as much as she is.

As for Hubby and I, we both felt completely lost without her.  We went to dinner at Clemson Sushi Bar and did a little shopping.  Once our shopping was done we both were at a loss as to what to do next.  We still had a couple of hours of baby free time, but we didn’t know how to spend it.  We could have gone home, but we’d have used half our free time just driving home and back, so we did the only thing we could think of.  We visited our best friends who we visit almost every weekend.

This is the only time we’ve been to their house without the baby, and their 16 month old son knew it.  He kept throwing his hands up in the air, babbling with a questioning look on his face then asking “bebe?” because he totally knew she wasn’t there to play with him.

I did enjoy getting to spend time with my friends without having to keep a close eye on Ellie at all times, but I felt kind of sad watching their son play alone.  I made a mental note to take Ellie by one day this week so they can play for a bit.

I don’t know what the grandparent’s did with her while we were gone, but by the time we made it home Saturday night she was completely tuckered.  All those sleepless nights probably finally piled up on her as well, and she’s slept like an angel since.  She’s even slept through the night the last 3 nights.  Maybe date night is what we all needed!