The Ramblings Of Jenn Shuey

Every new mother has an “I don’t think I can do this” breakdown at some point, right? 

Mine came in the middle of the night last night when my poor child kept screaming to eat every hour on the hour.  She started cluster feeding during the evenings when we were in the hospital, and now she’s decided she likes to cluster feed between the hours of 2-5am. 

I’ve been pumping throughout the day, so the next morning feeding has been taken care of by bottle via whom ever was staying with me while I was given the chance to grab a little bit of sleep.  Last night it hit me that I wouldn’t have that opportunity today because I would finally be spending the day alone with my daughter.

It wasn’t the fact that I wouldn’t get that morning nap that bothered me.  It was the fact that I felt absolutely scared out of my mind at the thought of being alone with her for the entire day.  I had to wonder if it was normal to feel this way or if I was just freaking out a little more than normal due to all the health issues I’ve had over the last 2 weeks.  What if something were to suddenly go wrong?  I seriously felt like I wasn’t going to be able to make it through the day today without someone else here to help me.

When 8am rolled around this morning I called my friend who is also a new mom of a 7 month old.  I told her exactly how I was feeling and was relieved to hear her say she felt the same way the first time she had to spend the entire day alone with her son.  She reassured me everything would be okay, and she tried to encourage me by reminding me that she had to do this with a baby who was days old where as I’ve had 2 weeks to get to know my daughter , her habits and schedules, etc, before being thrown out there to do this all by myself.  It made me feel so much better just to hear someone else tell me I’m not crazy and it’s normal to feel like this.

Hours later here I am wondering why I was so freaked out in the first place.  My little angel has been exactly that today.  She’s slept and eaten with hardly a whimper or whine.  My housework was done before noon, and I’ve even had time for a nap.  I even cleaned out the bathroom cabinet and tossed out a bunch of random jars of stuff like acne treatments and lotions that we’ll never use. I made enough room to store all of Elliana’s medical supplies (for her sacral dimple) so they’re not just thrown on the counter anymore.  Now I’m even considering another nap after her next feeding. 

I have to say I’m so thankful to have such a precious little girl.  Last night I was freaking out wondering what I was going to do with her today, and today I’m wondering how I ever made it without her.  She has definitely completely changed my life.